For the past 55 days I, my family, and my friends have thought I had cancer...
Today I went to MD Anderson for what was originally appointments to plan out my 6 weeks of radiation. However, I didn't think the news I would get was even possible...
Turns out, yes there was the tiny glandular tumor near my eyebrow. But after MUCH more researching in the pathology department, they seem to believe now that the original tumor AND the "cancer"/remaining tumor that my surgeon removed in the 2nd surgery are benign (NOT cancerous).
Basically what started as the most horrible phone call of my life saying, "The doctor wants to discuss your biopsy results. Can you bring a family member?"... in his office the next day him telling me, "You have adenocarcinoma (CANCER) that could have metastasized from any organ in your body"...to being treated at MD Anderson and them saying, "It's adnexal carcinoma (CANCER) and we feel that brow site is the only and primary site"...to "there were CANCER cells in the margin from your surgery"...to today- when the surgeon says "the pathologists now believe you have a benign mixed tumor called pleomorphic adenoma. Radiation will not be necessary".
Wow. I would say I can't believe it, but I do believe it- because GOD DOES the UNBELIEVABLE.
We are relieved and feel the weight of the world off our shoulders. I have learned so many lessons throughout this journey of a "cancer patient". I've told my family I want to write a book...
I know what it feels like that day you find out.
I know how the morning and the night are the hardest part of the day.
I know how to tell people you love them every chance you get, hold your husband's hand, kiss your babies faces off every chance you get.
I know how fear creeps in to try to run away your faith.
I know how out of control and helpless you feel.
I know what it's like to wonder if your tiny boys will remember you.
I know what it's like to see your family cry, and have to be tough anyway.
I know what it's like to play out every "what if" scenario possible.
I know what it's like to wake up every day searching for the story God wants to play out.
BUT I ALSO know Jesus. I know He is good and faithful. And I know He loves me. And now, though it wouldn't have been the way I would have chosen, He has given me a story to tell the world.
Whether I had cancer before, and God miraculously changed those pathology slides. Or whether it was never there to begin with...it doesn't matter. God has shown me, and I hope all who have walked through this with me, that if you turn your heart, soul, everything to Him He WILL take care of you...and in my case "heal me" of the cancer I never had.