September 27, 2010

For the past 55 days I, my family, and my friends have thought I had cancer...

Today I went to MD Anderson for what was originally appointments to plan out my 6 weeks of radiation. However, I didn't think the news I would get was even possible...

Turns out, yes there was the tiny glandular tumor near my eyebrow. But after MUCH more researching in the pathology department, they seem to believe now that the original tumor AND the "cancer"/remaining tumor that my surgeon removed in the 2nd surgery are benign (NOT cancerous).

Basically what started as the most horrible phone call of my life saying, "The doctor wants to discuss your biopsy results. Can you bring a family member?"... in his office the next day him telling me, "You have adenocarcinoma (CANCER) that could have metastasized from any organ in your body"...to being treated at MD Anderson and them saying, "It's adnexal carcinoma (CANCER) and we feel that brow site is the only and primary site"...to "there were CANCER cells in the margin from your surgery"...to today- when the surgeon says "the pathologists now believe you have a benign mixed tumor called pleomorphic adenoma. Radiation will not be necessary".

Wow. I would say I can't believe it, but I do believe it- because GOD DOES the UNBELIEVABLE.

We are relieved and feel the weight of the world off our shoulders. I have learned so many lessons throughout this journey of a "cancer patient". I've told my family I want to write a book...

I know what it feels like that day you find out.
I know how the morning and the night are the hardest part of the day.
I know how to tell people you love them every chance you get, hold your husband's hand, kiss your babies faces off every chance you get.
I know how fear creeps in to try to run away your faith.
I know how out of control and helpless you feel.
I know what it's like to wonder if your tiny boys will remember you.
I know what it's like to see your family cry, and have to be tough anyway.
I know what it's like to play out every "what if" scenario possible.
I know what it's like to wake up every day searching for the story God wants to play out.

BUT I ALSO know Jesus. I know He is good and faithful. And I know He loves me. And now, though it wouldn't have been the way I would have chosen, He has given me a story to tell the world.

Whether I had cancer before, and God miraculously changed those pathology slides. Or whether it was never there to begin with...it doesn't matter. God has shown me, and I hope all who have walked through this with me, that if you turn your heart, soul, everything to Him He WILL take care of you...and in my case "heal me" of the cancer I never had.

BIGGEST UPDATE yet

NO RADIATION!!! (more details after my appointment at MDA Monday) but my surgeon informed me yesterday after much debate they think this is not malignant...NOT CANCER. Didnt I say God still performs miracles?! It has happened. Believe. Hope. Thank you for your prayers! God is bigger than "cancer". The top cancer hospital did surgery and was about to start radiation. Only God! I bet He is smiling.

We don't even know how to wrap our minds around this. We have lab reports saying I had cancer. I had surgery. I was about to have radiation. Numerous doctors at MD Anderson reviewed my case. Like I said- only God can explain!!! We are so relieved, so blessed, and so thankful. To God be all glory

update on radiation

My surgeon from MD Anderson called with the details of the pathology report...the newer set of cancer cells were near the edge of the biopsy, which means it was probably trying to spread. Radiation is definite now. It most likely will be Monday-Friday for 6 weeks beginning in October. I will be going to an appointment with the MDA doctor in charge of my radiation sometime in the next week or two. After that we should know more details. Please pray for the boys and those that will help take care of them...our God is still Healer! Love you all

my little loves

TWO REASONS MY HEART IS FULL

results

We went to our followup appointment at MD Anderson today, and were hoping for pathology results from my surgery last Friday. The lab is still working on them, and they are not complete and reported. However, my surgeon called and spoke with the pathologist working on the case...The tissue was not free and clear of cancer cells unfortunately. The pathologist told her a preliminary determination that a "nest of cancer cells" were found. Basically what this means is that, outside of the tumor/cyst itself, cancer cells made their way into surrounding tissue. The surgeon can't just keep going back in and cutting and cutting with surgeries, so that's where radiation comes into play. Hopefully it will kill what cancer cells are remaining in that surrounding tissue near the site of the tumor itself that was removed. Sooooo it sounds like I'll be starting radiation sometime in the next month. My surgeon at MD Anderson will let me know when the path report is finalized and she has more details, which might be sometime next week. I will go see her for another followup in 2 weeks, so I feel like we'll know something for sure by then.

I was hoping that today she would walk in and say "There was nothing! This is over". However, I am not that surprised because cancer is such a tricky, complicated thing. I have felt somewhat discouraged today, BUT I know with God's help I will find peace and endurance to stick this out a little longer. There's just something unsettling about knowing cancer is in your body. It doesn't matter how big or small it is...you just don't want it there at all. I ask for continued prayers and encouragement because I believe that's what's gotten me this far.
I am confident my faith will conquer my fear (as I've read numerous times in cancer devotionals lately). As a sweet friend made the point today "Even if the doctors keep stacking the odds against you, it just means God will get to show His glory even more" (Thanks Suzanne!)

Love you all