Monday, September 27, 2010
Today I went to MD Anderson for what was originally appointments to plan out my 6 weeks of radiation. However, I didn't think the news I would get was even possible...
Turns out, yes there was the tiny glandular tumor near my eyebrow. But after MUCH more researching in the pathology department, they seem to believe now that the original tumor AND the "cancer"/remaining tumor that my surgeon removed in the 2nd surgery are benign (NOT cancerous).
Basically what started as the most horrible phone call of my life saying, "The doctor wants to discuss your biopsy results. Can you bring a family member?"... in his office the next day him telling me, "You have adenocarcinoma (CANCER) that could have metastasized from any organ in your body"...to being treated at MD Anderson and them saying, "It's adnexal carcinoma (CANCER) and we feel that brow site is the only and primary site"...to "there were CANCER cells in the margin from your surgery"...to today- when the surgeon says "the pathologists now believe you have a benign mixed tumor called pleomorphic adenoma. Radiation will not be necessary".
Wow. I would say I can't believe it, but I do believe it- because GOD DOES the UNBELIEVABLE.
We are relieved and feel the weight of the world off our shoulders. I have learned so many lessons throughout this journey of a "cancer patient". I've told my family I want to write a book...
I know what it feels like that day you find out.
I know how the morning and the night are the hardest part of the day.
I know how to tell people you love them every chance you get, hold your husband's hand, kiss your babies faces off every chance you get.
I know how fear creeps in to try to run away your faith.
I know how out of control and helpless you feel.
I know what it's like to wonder if your tiny boys will remember you.
I know what it's like to see your family cry, and have to be tough anyway.
I know what it's like to play out every "what if" scenario possible.
I know what it's like to wake up every day searching for the story God wants to play out.
BUT I ALSO know Jesus. I know He is good and faithful. And I know He loves me. And now, though it wouldn't have been the way I would have chosen, He has given me a story to tell the world.
Whether I had cancer before, and God miraculously changed those pathology slides. Or whether it was never there to begin with...it doesn't matter. God has shown me, and I hope all who have walked through this with me, that if you turn your heart, soul, everything to Him He WILL take care of you...and in my case "heal me" of the cancer I never had.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
NO RADIATION!!! (more details after my appointment at MDA Monday) but my surgeon informed me yesterday after much debate they think this is not malignant...NOT CANCER. Didnt I say God still performs miracles?! It has happened. Believe. Hope. Thank you for your prayers! God is bigger than "cancer". The top cancer hospital did surgery and was about to start radiation. Only God! I bet He is smiling.
We don't even know how to wrap our minds around this. We have lab reports saying I had cancer. I had surgery. I was about to have radiation. Numerous doctors at MD Anderson reviewed my case. Like I said- only God can explain!!! We are so relieved, so blessed, and so thankful. To God be all glory
Saturday, September 11, 2010
My surgeon from MD Anderson called with the details of the pathology report...the newer set of cancer cells were near the edge of the biopsy, which means it was probably trying to spread. Radiation is definite now. It most likely will be Monday-Friday for 6 weeks beginning in October. I will be going to an appointment with the MDA doctor in charge of my radiation sometime in the next week or two. After that we should know more details. Please pray for the boys and those that will help take care of them...our God is still Healer! Love you all
Friday, September 3, 2010
Thursday, September 2, 2010
I was hoping that today she would walk in and say "There was nothing! This is over". However, I am not that surprised because cancer is such a tricky, complicated thing. I have felt somewhat discouraged today, BUT I know with God's help I will find peace and endurance to stick this out a little longer. There's just something unsettling about knowing cancer is in your body. It doesn't matter how big or small it is...you just don't want it there at all. I ask for continued prayers and encouragement because I believe that's what's gotten me this far.
I am confident my faith will conquer my fear (as I've read numerous times in cancer devotionals lately). As a sweet friend made the point today "Even if the doctors keep stacking the odds against you, it just means God will get to show His glory even more" (Thanks Suzanne!)
Love you all
Saturday, August 28, 2010
and last but not least- Brody the yard guy- goggles and all
Please pray this week for the results we get on Thursday....
Thank you again for the continuous prayers, texts, calls, emails, etc. We can't respond to all of them but we've done our best! God has been with us during this difficult, scary time. We have felt His heavenly love here on earth through all of you, and we are grateful. I do not know how we could have gotten through this without Him, our families, and our friends.
I wish everyone could know what I know now...that we serve a God who calms the storms, moves mountains, makes the blind to see and the deaf to hear, and uses cancer for HIS GLORY. There were some dark days and nights when I woke up every hour at 2, 3, 4, 5 o'clock in the morning- and all I could do was cry and pray. And He listened. I know God in a new way, and I wish I could put it into words but it's impossible...awesome, amazing, full of mercy and grace, healer, Father... WITH ME WHEREVER I GO no matter how scary and dark it gets. I believe it, and I hope you all do too.
Friday, August 27, 2010
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Monday, August 23, 2010
She said she will definitely be taking me to surgery to cut out the cancer we know is still surrounding the area, and she'll take out some lymph nodes if they're involved too. If it's related to my eye, a cancer eye surgeon will be in on the surgery as well. She mentioned we might be able to do surgery as early as next week possibly. I'm also going to be meeting with a radiation team, and I think she will make the decision about whether or not I will get radiation following the surgery.
SOOOO please keep praying!!! We feel surrounded by love and prayers every day, and we really hope to continue having this support until this is behind us!!! I hope everyone is seeing that GOD IS ANSWERING THESE PRAYERS ALREADY. He alone is worthy to be praised. And He gets all the glory for the work He is doing in this situation.
The boys are doing great. My mom is in town, so she is helping out. Brad's parents also live about 20 minutes away, so they're always helpful in any possible way too. We are blessed with wonderful families and friends. I will continue to post updates as we have more information. Love you.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Friday, August 13, 2010
You hold my every moment
You calm my raging seas
You walk with me through fire
And heal all my disease
I trust in You
I trust in You
I believe You're my Healer
I believe You are all I need
I believe You're my Portion
I believe You're more than enough for me
Jesus You're all I need
Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You
You hold my world in Your hands
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Friday, August 6, 2010
A week ago I was getting Brody to sleep, and we sang like we do every night. Something made me grab my cell phone and record it. Sorry it's pitch black, but honestly it doesn't have to have any picture to be meaningful. It has very quickly become dear to me and will be special during this time. JESUS DOES LOVE ME- this I KNOW. I also know how much I'm loved by all of you. Brad and I can't begin to thank you for all the phone calls, texts, and emails. Thanks to all of you these days will not be dark. God is carrying me, and I trust this will all be part of the past soon, and it will be part of a beautiful story I will be lucky enough to share. Yesterday God wiped alot of tears from my eyes because it all became very real. But those tears were because I feel SO LOVED. I am not afraid at all. There is nothing to be scared of. Like I told someone yesterday- I know God would never want to hurt me. So I know He's sad too. For those of you asking about adding me to prayer lists- YES of course. I want to be on every list. Pray for peace and comfort for the whole family. Thank you and I love you all. We'll be updating as soon as we hear from MD Anderson.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
We have a prayer request that needs to be known. This blog is normally not used to post personal things, but in this case, it's about to get really personal...
I had a small cyst removed above my eye 3 weeks ago. The dr sent it off to have a biopsy because it grew back after having had it taken out about 10 years ago. He assured me I would get a phone call the next week saying it was just like every other sebaceous cyst he takes out...
Yesterday his nurse called saying I needed to come in for the dr to discuss the results and I need to bring a family member with me. At this point I knew I needed to prepare for bad news. My mom flew in from Mississippi this morning and she, Brad, and his dad went with me...
I have cancer.
It is a very rare cancer of the gland, and there are only about 50 cases that have ever been seen. My file has been sent to MD Anderson and we should hear from them in the next 24 hours about the next steps. It's about to be a very long road- the dr said they'll be scanning me and scoping me from head to toe to see where this is coming from if it started somewhere else. If they find it, then I'll get treatments based on that.
We covet your prayers. I know God has a plan, and we didn't move to the same town as the best cancer hospital in the world by chance. The dr said he would have sent me to MD Anderson no matter where I had been living, so it's truly a blessing we moved to Houston.
Pray for Brad, Brody, and Archer. I will beat this, and I will be a witness that God still performs miracles today.
Monday, July 26, 2010
Friday, July 23, 2010
Monday, July 19, 2010